Keep Love in Intimacy and Marriage

Keep love in intimacy and marriage. Life affirming intimacy is powerful fuel that can energize all aspects of your life – including making money your way.

One of the foremost experts in the United States in the areas of relationship and marriage is John Gottman, Ph.D., the co-founder and co-director of the Gottman Institute in Seattle and professor of psychology at the University of Washington. After years of studying the ways that couples interact in his research lab, Gottman has concluded that relationships grow into nurturing relationships -- to the extent that the people involved respond thoughtfully to each others’ emotional needs.

Here’s what Dr. Gottman says in the preface to The Relationship Cure, which he co-authored with Joan DeClaire in 2001:

“A very fundamental and simple idea has emerged from our research: We have discovered the elementary constituents of closeness between people, and we have learned the basic principle that regulates how relationships work and also determines a great deal about how conflict between people can be regulated. That basic idea has to do with the way people, in mundane moments in everyday life, make attempts at emotional communication, and how others around them respond, or fail to respond, to these attempts.

Those everyday moments are not very dramatic. They are easily overlooked, and unfortunately that is their usual fate. Nonetheless, they are very powerful. By becoming aware and mindful of such moments, we can give and receive the intimacy and support we all need from our closest relationships.”

So, if you’ve read this far – and you’ve read the preceding material from Marshall Rosenberg – you will understand something very interesting and significant. Gottman has established through fairly rigorous research that the kinds of communications tools taught by Rosenberg (i.e., mindful, compassionate communication) – are necessary and essential to building positive relationship, and keeping love in virtually all kinds of relationships.

It is probably not overstatement to say that the only thing barring us from the positive relationships that will enhance our lives – is our awareness of our own behavior and the discipline we use in practicing communication skills that build positive connections with people, and keep the love in relationship.

Copies of Gottman's books -- full of important tips about how to build, sustain, and renew an intimate relationship -- are available through Amazon.com.